I did not hike this week due to the weather. Instead, I went to a Krav Maga self-defense class. Talk about empowerment – with each elbow strike, escape manuever, and push I felt stronger both mentally and physically. As our instructor lead us through the fundamentals, he continued to emphasize the importance of self-defense, of valuing your own life enough to learn these skills. It made me think of how I’ve been living my life and if it’s truly been a life worth living.

I’ve been living on the surface.

I started to take stock of my life and saw where I’d allowed my standards to slip due to convenience, cheapness, and just assuming I couldn’t do any better. I thought about all the people I follow on social media – specifically the people I hate-follow – and the jealousy I’d been feeling toward their lives. They had all the things I wanted in my own life: nice cars, well-organized homes, and took care of themselves.

I took stock of my life.

One by one in class we had to allow ourselves to be choked against a wall – a situation with seemingly no escape – airway being cut off, pressed backward into a corner. In that moment, I felt myself panic even though it was in a controlled environment. But instincts yall. I shot my right arm up, pinning my attacker’s hand under my chin, twisted against the wall, trapped my attacker’s arms, and threw a mean elbow into his face. I fought back and survived. In that moment, I thought about where I was in my life – a job I didn’t see a future in, not where I wanted to be financially – and I resolved to fight back.

An argument for worthiness

In that exaggerated moment where I took stock of my life, I thought about what made me worthy of surviving. What would fuel me to fight back? It’s cliché, but it’s my relationships. The love of my life. A family who loves me. A cat who relies on me for food + snuggles. Whatever it is…keep it at the forefront of your mind so when you’re faced with the decision to nickel-and-dime your own life, you’ll see that you’re worth more. Invest in quality. Quality relationships, quality clothing, and quality self-reflection.

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